neko-san's
WHY CATS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
(comedy)

Warning:
This is EXTREMELY patriarchal and does not reflect my views at all, so please do not kill me or threaten me with genital mutilation. It is intended only as light hearted comedy as a male response to my other file "Why Cats Are Better Than Men".

a cat's 2 favourite rooms in the house are the kitchen and the bedroom.
cats are more than happy to just stay home and mind the house.
a cat with a fat butt is just as lovable as a cat with a slim butt.
a cat will not blow your credit account on home shopping TV commercials.
a cat will not occupy the bathroom for 3 hours straight before going out to caterwaul.
if you live with a cat instead of a woman, you can leave the toilet seat in whatever position you damn well please.
it's not so much a question of skill, but the main thing is: at least cats have enough brains to not attempt to drive a car in the first place.
a cat cannot voice its suspicion that while it was asleep you were patting the neighbour's cat.
a cat will not steal your half of the doona during the night. (this was also in my "why cats are better than men" post - it goes both ways).
cats don't have the vote yet.
cats don't develop a sudden craving to leave their husbands and become mature-aged students when they hit 40.
cats have enough brains to kick their kids out of home when they're only 6 weeks old rather than putting up with them until they're 20.
unlike humans, if a gentleman-cat has a romantic fling with a lady-cat, he does not have to put up with her following him around and filing paternity suits against him for the rest of his life. (The lady-cat knows how to move on).
cats don't need make-up to be cute and adorable.
even if your cat gets old and fat as it ages, it will still not squash you when it rolls over in bed.
likewise, if YOU get old and fat as you age, your cat will still love you just as much.
when was the last time you heard about a sexual harrassment law suit filed by a cat?
cats know that they don't need eating disorders to be accepted by society.
your cat will not get mad when you take those 'extended overseas business trips' with your blonde secretary - just as long as you arrange for somebody to feed it.
a cat will not hire a private detective and have your phone bugged if it suspects you are paying a little too much attention to another cat.
a cat will not take the house and car with it when it runs away.
unlike women, lady-cats do not seek to contrast themselves from their male counterparts in terms of social concepts of gender by wearing mini-skirts and high-heels. (A lady-cat knows that it couldn't run to save its own life in some of the footwear that female humans like to wear).
and women think they have it bad! Have you ever seen fornication of the feline variety? If you wanna see rape & oppression of females through sexual violence, just watch how the local toms conduct themselves the next time your neighbour's lady-cat is on heat!
a cat will not jump up onto the nearest chair and scream her lungs out at the sight of a mouse. Quite the opposite, in fact.
cats actually prefer it if you DON'T mow the lawn - it gives them better cover and camouflage when hunting.
unlike women, cats don't 'think' they have rights. * (see attached footnote)
cats can be bribed with food - and cat food is MUCH cheaper than gold jewellery.
likewise, to obtain the feline equivalent of the saying "diamonds are a girl's best friend", simply substitute a ping pong ball for the diamond. It is MUCH easier on the bank balance.
lady-cats do not need to stand outside cheap bars and 'show some leg' in order to meet a gentleman-cat.
unlike silly young girls, big muscles, a flash car and lots of money are not enough to impress a cat. A cat will know whether or not you are a dud before it has even met you (they can smell an ACP [Anti-Cat Person] from a mile off).

* footnote #26 - they just know it.

Last updated: 23rd September Y2K
All feedback is greatly appreciated !!!

neko-san
e-meow: sleepy_neko@hotmail.com